I made the first step and I found a new doctor, my old one was a friend of my mother and I never could talk to her. I also bravely told my new doctor that I would be making an appointment to speak to her about my mental health. I am afraid of admitting to myself and a doctor how out of control I am. I am also afraid of medication. I was treated for depression when I was a child and it became so much worse on antidepressants. I only seek medical help when I'm depressed and I've decided to break that cycle.