Snuggleybabe, your post brings tears to my eyes. Your presence and your voice give hope to us, too.

LaraLynn, what we do know we need, what everyone needs, is each others' presence and their love as much as they can give it. It's hard to believe it when you're borderline, but sometimes one of the best things in life is to give love to someone who is so hurt and confused and angry that they are in no condition (however chronic or permanent) to give it back. Feeling compassion is one of the highest feelings. Maybe that is why we become so deeply attached to our therapists: people who accept us and are willing to take the care of our mental health into their hands until we can take more responsibility for it ourselves. But a therapist isn't family, and it is a huge blessing to have people who will be there always (or who are supposed to be there always). Let your family love you. I know you love them back very, very often--and maybe even when you can't see it. There are so many little things we can do that show we care--fill your husband's coffee cup, buy a little flower for a child, make someone's bed for them...sometimes anything bigger is beyond us, but we want to belong to their love, and those little, little things are evidence of that--evidence of our desire and of our gratitude. They can be enough, as can be just being there. Ask my kids. And my long-suffering husband. And, ok, yeah...my therapist.