((((((Improving)))))))

I'm sorry that this is so hard on you emotionally at this time in your life.
It is very hard when someone we love doesn't return the emotion in the same manner.

There was a woman I loved very deeply at one time in my life. But she was cold emotionally and it was very difficult because it felt as though I were being kept on a yo-yo string. She wouldn't set me free - totally. But she told me should didn't like to be with me. ((I could really relate to your post)). It hurt deeply because she was my world.

The hardest part was being in that bl**dy emotional limbo! It was the most poisonous emotional environment of all time! My college T at the time told me that she wasn't setting me free because of her own insecurity and that it was a form of being passive-agressive. And it stunk.

What I finally had to do was to make the emotional break myself. That hurt bad. I couldn't physically leave the situation as she had money power over me (and she was also a primary abuser from childhood so there were other issues). So I couldn't change the actual being around her... but what I was able to do was to emotionally remove myself from her claws.

I did this by just going ahead and telling myself that she didn't love me (which was the truth I kept denying to myself - because she was going back and forth with "but I do love you" UGGG!) So I decided to get the emotional knowing pain out of the way right then and there at that point in my life.

This broke the spell she had over my heart.

After that, I was able to start looking at her from the eyes of someone outside a relationship with her. Suddenly, I saw she was VERY human! And I saw she had flaws I just wasn't able to see through my love goggles. That made me realize that I honestly was not giving up much of anything good!

The next thing I did was start to see the positive side of who I am.
I started to build my own relationship with ME!
I actually took myself out on dates per my T's advice.
It was a way to find the love for myself that I was looking for someone else to give me. I spent hours just getting to be with ME without thoughts of HER in my mind.
Honestly, THAT was one of the best times of my entire life!
Even now being in a good relationship with someone else, I still have times when I miss the hours I had just with me :-)

Not sure if this will make any sense to you at all but I do home it helps.