Quote:
Originally Posted by Improving
My T comes back tomorrow morning and I’m trying to hang on till then, but I’m not sure what difference it will make. I’ve decided not to get back into that dream world with her where I feel so happy and safe and contained, because it’s only really a distraction from the cold hard facts of my life, which are that: I had it all and I lost it all, and however hard I work to build a life, it will always be taken away. We actually talked about this (my worry that the relationship with her is just a distraction) in the session before the break, and she said the key factor was that the closeness to her was enabling me to engage with my life more and live better (do my job, see my friends, have more positive communication with my partner... building a life), rather than engaging less (e.g. shutting off from everything and living only for contact with her). I will try to finish DBT, but I'm can't allow myself to get sucked back in to all the warm fuzziness. Who was I kidding? Even my partner can't stand me, yet somehow I let myself believe that my T loved me??
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I think it is completely understandable that you would grieve the loss of your partner. Seven years is a long time to be with someone. I understand how you feel it was just taken away.
I also know how easy it is to feel as though all is lost, and it will never be better again, but it will. You're still here, you've survived thus far therefore the opportunity for things to get better is still there.
Also, the warm fuzzies are not a bad thing. No, your therapist may not love you the way a partner would, but continuing to engage with her may be essential to "staying in the game" so to speak. Allowing yourself to feel loved is so important I think.
I think people do things for different reasons. It may be very hard for your partner to be separated from you as well. She may be limiting her interaction with you because it hurts and reminds her of her loss as well. Have you considered that? I think it's a different, but perhaps vaild interpretation of the events that you said were going on.
However, if ever there was a time to be upset and feel the grief more profoundly than most, it's an anniverary of some meaningful event. Frankly, I think the holidays suck and I am so glad they are blissfully over.
I got stranded because of snow as well. I ended up spending 4 days with my
family instead of the well-established one day and then out. Shudder... It was a nasty nasty time.
I hope you feel better soon.
