welcome to pc! your question is a good one cause u're seeking answers to what is causing you to resume destructive behaviors. for those of us that can relate-i'm sober 20 years-they tell us that we will return to using or drinking if we substitite one form of drug for others. it always takes us back to where we were before. the solution is abstinence of all mood altering substances/drugs. alcohol being the granddaddy of them all.
AA works for me but there is also NA in your community too. both are 12 step programs but AA was the first created, thus more long time sobriety. both can be googled to find meetings in your area. i personally don't recommend online meetings unless u are in a remote area. why? part of the solution is meeting ppl with the same challenges as you have. those ppl can offer support and friendship while learning about addictions and how we can become clean and sober.
i hope you will try our way of life. it is amazing what my life has become once i got clean and sober. you will never regret the decision. that i can promise you. the rest is of your choosing.
keep coming back. we're here for you!