Dear dp, Wow, sounds like you and your Mom have set up a vicious cycle....... it's really hard to stop something once it's got going, but together you gals can do it. Somebody has to go first to stop it. Somebody has to be able to step back and decide, this behavior sucks, I'm not gonna do it anymore. Then approach the other when calm and suggest changes in bhavior. Like agreed upon rules of engagement: like you each agree: no yelling. I agree with the folks ho have already posted: counceling sounds like a really good idea for both of you, individually and together maybe even. Hard stuff, good luck. and HAPPY BIRTHDAY