Bitterness?? Oh my, where would I begin? I guess that is mixed up with the sadness and anger and hurt inside that hole in my heart.

Having said that, if I just try to limit this to the issue with my husband, maybe I am upset because he seems to basically have his life together in so many ways. He has a really good balance; he can now work from home, he knows what he wants to do, he makes decisions easily,he exercises by playing sports he enjoys, he has satifying hobbies and connections with other people, he can distract himself easily, he doesn't think too much, he is fine with being in public, he is okay with the dysfunction in his family, he can deny problems with the best of them, he is confident, self assured, rarely cries, doesn't ruminate, escapes into distractions easily, and he is, in general, a pretty happy guy.

He doesn't need me in the same way I need him. He doesn't know what it's like to feel this deeply.

I am jealous.