When things get too complicated, mixed-up or murky for me, I decide to start over, which I think of as "throwing a hand grenade into my own foxhole".

Stop thinking of it as you have been thinking of it; give up on the chicken and egg insolvable problem and grab some little piece that does make sense to you and start there. Were I you, I would start here:
Grab one of those and think of one thing you would like, anything. I started once with wanting an ice cream cone and spent the rest of the day getting myself that

Feelings and actions happen together but our wills can do something about actions whereas they don't have any purview over feelings. That's why when you smile, whether it's fake or not, you feel better, the whole "fake it until you feel it" thing. Studies have shown that people who use botox don't feel as angry as often (presumably because they can't move the muscles of their face to look/"act" angry).

So, grab a negative feeling you feel, a specific one, and do something that shows the opposite feeling. For "flat" I would make something funny happen ("flat" makes me think of ironing and ironing when I was feeling flat would seem really ridiculous to me and make me laugh I think). For fed up and discouraged, I would do chores that need doing (clean up something) or help someone else (helping someone else would be encouraging to me, would mean I could be make a difference so maybe I could make a difference in my own life too).

I know it can be very frustrating if things are not clear, if we don't "understand" and really want to. In the beginning of my therapy my T would often have to "stop" what we were discussing and explain that there was no point in our discussing it right then because it wasn't possible for me to understand it right then. As frustrating as that was to me, I really really had to know and know now, over time I began to notice that it was like sleeping on a problem; in a day or week or so, something else would happen in my life that would explain to me what it was I hadn't understood, I'd be walking down the street and suddenly think (and sometimes say, talking to myself :-) "Oh! Is that what it is!" If I could do it all again, I would quit fighting so hard to understand and start looking forward, instead, to myself/unconscious figuring it out as I worked through other things in the near future.