Thank you all for being so encouraging and caring.

Without wanting to sound selfish, I think I've been through my fair share of depression. Years of trying and hurting. This past year, things got easier. I've learnt how to let some things go and how to deal with the things that I can't. I don't get as depressed as I did, as often as I did before. I used to want to scream (and more/worse) every day... let's just say I was in a very bad place.
But this past few weeks... I don't know whether it's 'cause of certain things in my life that are changing or it being the holiday season or what... but I'm finding things hard again.
I can't stop crying. I can't stop being angry at myself for not being able to snap out of it. I hate that it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend again. It hurts! I hurt! I just want it to stop... and I'm sorry because I should know better... I should be able to stop this and I can't and I feel so terrible for saying so.

Thank you all again for your kind words and hugs. They have helped somewhat