I relate to what you wrote. I often want a "do-over", as we said as kids in play. Maybe that's a New York thing. I feel like my life is a train wreck, and it's been de-railed for so long, decades, that there's no getting back on track. It's been suggested not to use the past as a predictor of the future, but it's hard not to. I also want to walk away from my house (that and my dog are the only anchors or responsibilities in my life) and go somewhere else and start over. I know geographic cures usually don't work, and I'd be taking my mind with me. I just want a fix or at least a break from this grinding depression. Over 30+ years, I've tried so many things - therapies, meds. It's been getting worse over the past few years. It's hard to stop comparing to people with husbands, kids, money, lives. The comparing makes me feel so much worse. I'm just rambling.