I'm wondering if there are others with similar experiences. I've had depression and ADD since childhood. I've tried so many medications and so much psychotherapy. I even have training as a therapist, and have only had a few short-lived periods depression-free over the decades. Now, in my mid-fifties, it's actually getting worse. My art and creativity has fallen away, and I'm not motivated to do anything at all, especially the daily tasks of living. I never wanted to be single and childless my whole life, and end up on disability and poor. I can't believe this is my life. I feel like a different species from everyone else, or from a different planet, planet Noserotonin. I just want to have someone to be close to, a few good friends, be able to support myself financially, take care of myself without it feeling like an enormous effort, and be of use in the world. It's a complicated mix of depression, trauma, ADD, social anxiety, obsessive-compulsive patterns, and a very deep-seated belief that change is impossible. All excuses to add to the "I'm helpless" story.