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Originally Posted by Improving
Thank you so much for caring, you guys, especially for the cheerleading, WePow- I need that right now.
It's the end of the day here, thankfully. Days like today really drive home how much DBT has taught me- before therapy I would have just been writhing in pain in my bed for the whole day. Now to do it all again tomorrow...
And I still struggle with whether the distracting and soothing are the 'right' thing to do, you know? Maybe because I spent my entire teenage years just working harder and harder to escape the reality of my situation, which kept me alive but ultimately wasn't helpful, I do wonder now whether all these DBT skills are just 'pretending' that my life is worth living, when the facts say that it isn't. I suppose this is a rambling way of saying, I wonder whether my previous automatic response (= despair and suicide) was actually the right one.
elliemay and poetgirl, I do understand what you're saying about it not being effective to pull away from T right now, but I feel profoundly disconnected from it all. I'm deeply alone- what's the point in pretending otherwise?
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You don't necessarily need to pretend otherwise....if it's how you feel, it's true for you, and pretending otherwise won't help you regain your feeling of connection or take away the feelings. Just be open with your T about the feeling of disconnect, that you feel so deeply alone....so you can be with someone who does understand/know the place where you are, who can be with you while you are in that place, who can help you come out of that place to a safer place.
I feel so clumsy in what I'm saying here and hope it's not hurtful......but I have felt so deeply alone in my life before, even when I was with people (even people I knew who cared, just that I felt the void within that I knew they couldn't fill), but even so, there was at least comfort for me in knowing someone knew I felt that way, someone was there in the physical world with me, caring for me - I felt less alone in my aloneness....maybe disconnected, but not forsaken. And that gave hope that there was a way back to feeling connected, less alone.....
I have spent a lot of time in my life pulling away from people, feeling like I would always be lonely somehow anyway......but I've found that reaching out when I feel like pulling away is so much better for my mind/soul. I've learned it with my T too - I managed to reach out to her, be open, when I felt like closing up and pulling away from her (so different than I usually might do!), and it was actually so freeing for me.....to feel a new connection where the disconnect had been. Please forgive me if I've hit any wrong notes here....but I guess I'm just saying I hope you reach out, reach for that connection with hope, with your T!