I haven't posted for a couple of months, but I've been finding myself logging back into PC these past few days... probably because I'm really struggling again. I've lived with depression on and off for almost 9 years. I've done (and am still doing) therapy and meds. I'm also struggling with grief after the death of my father...the person I was closest to... this fall. The last couple of months, I've felt crappy, but it has seemed more like grief than depression. Now, it is starting to seem like the depression is back with full force. I have no energy, even though I'm sleeping up to 14 hours at a time. My mood is awful, I have very little self-esteem, I'm isolating even from people who are trying to reach out to me. I have almost no motivation to do anything, and it is hard to find the energy even to care.
It is also hard to find the energy to hope things will get better, even when I'm doing things that objectively might help. I started a new psych med this week, and my therapist wants me to do EMDR. I'm going to drag myself to a social gathering tonight. I did go over to a friend's house for a little while last night. Still, it is hard to find it in me to hope or care... I only want to curl up and sleep for a long time.

Can anyone out there relate to this?