i have T tomorrow and i haven't had the greatest few weeks a few melt downd and problems and an episode of SI.i know i will not talk about thisand i havnt written her any letters or emails at all in fact she has only come to my mind a few times when reading here and once when i was wishing i could go sit in her office and feel safe.i believe this was just before the SI episode.i just dont know what i want in going back i feel like a child being called to principles office or being sent to my room.i so want to talk to her to be like some others here that just can go and work things out.sorry if i am whining.i just so feel stuck in just about everything .i know i am going to go tomorrow and T will ask how are things or some generic opening question and if i am in a talkitive mood ill say i'm ok or if not i will shrug.and that will be it.god i wish my T had some magic so i could know what she wants from me i am just so lost i have been going to T for about 15 months now and she really still has no idea about what has gone om in my life.i want to tell her so bad it is driving me crazy but i just cant do it no matter what i just cant open my mouthh.i just hate it i get so angry at me