I thoroughly relate. I've lived with depression, anxiety and ADD throughout my life, but the past 4 years have been the worst. I've never been this lacking in motivation before. The drive for activities I always loved, mostly art-related, have dropped away. I've learned not to talk about my feelings with most people. It makes them uncomfortable. I do feel better when I'm around people, which isn't often enough, living alone. I should have gone to a meditation group tonight, but I felt exhausted after a miserable day emotionally. I'm sorry for your loss. That must be tough, and grief would certainly exacerbate depression. I hope you feel some relief soon. I tried EMDR with a few therapists. It seemed to work with one issue and one of the therapists. A lot of people feel benefitted by it for trauma issues. Best wishes.