Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1
i have T tomorrow and i haven't had the greatest few weeks a few melt downd and problems and an episode of SI.i know i will not talk about thisand i havnt written her any letters or emails at all in fact she has only come to my mind a few times when reading here and once when i was wishing i could go sit in her office and feel safe.i believe this was just before the SI episode.i just dont know what i want in going back i feel like a child being called to principles office or being sent to my room.i so want to talk to her to be like some others here that just can go and work things out.sorry if i am whining.i just so feel stuck in just about everything .i know i am going to go tomorrow and T will ask how are things or some generic opening question and if i am in a talkitive mood ill say i'm ok or if not i will shrug.and that will be it.god i wish my T had some magic so i could know what she wants from me i am just so lost i have been going to T for about 15 months now and she really still has no idea about what has gone om in my life.i want to tell her so bad it is driving me crazy but i just cant do it no matter what i just cant open my mouthh.i just hate it i get so angry at me  |
Granite,
I kind of smiled when I saw that we both posted on relatively the same subject at the same time.
I wonder why we have such a hard time telling the important things to the very people we have hired and entrusted our care into? When I think about it in a purely logical mind it seems downright idiotic that we would sit there and keep our struggles to ourselves. Then we have to throw in that curveball emotional mind. I think that is where it all gets messed up.
I hope for your sake that you can find a small opening to let her in on some of your latest secrets. I hope that you can be open enough to let yourself feel safe for your therapy hour and maybe you can carry that with you for a little while.
It feels wierd to be able to say all of this to you and then when it comes to my own t I can not do it myself. (find the small opening, allow the good feeling of safeness, etc.) I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your struggles. Let us know how it goes ok?