TRIGGER ALERT

Was put on Depakote when 1st dxed as I was in a mixed state. Mother was bp & committed suicide when I was 15 & I had my 1st suicide attempt at 15--a couple mos. before she died after her many attempts. Depakote helped w/agitation but not depression.

Then put on Lithium & felt like someone who has very low vision getting the perfect prescription for her lenses. I could not believe how my inner turmoil was relieved. I was wondering is this how everyone else felt?? It was wonderful but even on a low dose I had kidney malfunction (doc also got a sonogram to make sure I didn't coincidentally have a tumor on my kidney), so had to get off Lithium within a couple mos. & do have kidney damage from that short time on it. Just not good for my body.

Then did Geodon (fell asleep while driving & had to lie down on floor at work--in a sports club & lots of people around--as I got so dizzy; only lasted 4 days on it w/those side effects & broke my toe when trying to get back into bed one morning when I was so dizzy after trying to make coffee & foot hit bed "foot" or "leg"--don't know what to call it!! as I was rushing to try to lie down due to being so dizzy).

Then Abilify which helped tremendously w/mood & paranoia I had (also was put on Lamictal). Gained 50 lbs. on Abilify & did an overdose of my psych meds due to a negative comment regarding my weight gain by husband.

Off Abilify, but still not losing weight as also quit smoking & entered menopause & complete emotional devastation from husband's remark, I guess...

So, all I can say is "Still Here"--though husband has been very remorseful as he didn't know I would react that way, but I know he did it to shame me or humiliate me into losing weight & he had promised never to hurt me intentionally when we married (36 yrs. ago & high school sweet hearts before that at 15 {me} & 16 {him}).

So decreasing & trying to get off Lamictal--and a major help has been DBT.

I'm 56 so elderly now!! These meds have not been tested on elderly & I have some chronic pain issues going on, too.

Just don't get old! Well, I guess that is not good advice as what is the alternative?

Take care, Everyone.