I posted this in another thread, but it really belonged here, so I'm reposting here instead:

There ARE limits in ANY kind of caring relationship. Sometimes I really need my H and he is at work and can't leave. That doesn't mean he doesn't care, not at all. It means that even though he loves me and wants to help me, he can't help me right at the moment - but he will when he can. Sometimes I am at an appointment and one of my boys needs me...he has to wait until I come home. I love my boys more than anything in the WORLD, but sometimes I'm just not available for a little while.

Someone mentioned in another thread that the fact that therapists aren't available after hours means there are limits to paid care. And yes, there are, and there should be. Everyone should have boundaries, and good self-care. In any healthy, caring relationship, there are going to be limits.

My alcoholic mom has needed me to take care of her for my entire life. I spent years - decades - dropping everything, never meeting my own needs or my families needs, making sure that I was always there when she needed me. It was sooooooo unhealthy, and draining, and awful. I don't expect or want (AT ALL) ANY relationship I'm in to be like that - not with my H, not with my kids, not with my friends, not with my mom, not with my T.

Being paid or not paid has nothing to do with it. Caring or not caring has nothing to do with it. The fact is that boundaries and self-care are important in every single relationship we're in, no matter how much love, caring, or money is involved. I trust, completely, that my T cares about me and wants to help me, and I trust, completely, that he will take care of himself, and his family. When he can be there for me, he absolutely is. And when he can't, he can't. Just like my H can't sometimes, or I can't be there for my boys sometimes. That's how relationships work, and it's okay.