I see T tomorrow for 90 mins. It's been a week since I've seen him, but it feels like a LIFETIME. I'm still used to twice a week, I think, and SO much has happened since my last session. I feel like I haven't seen him for a month.

I am REALLY ANXIOUS about session tomorrow. I think because last session, I was so anxious that I spent an hour of it dissociated, and then had to leave the room and go outside into the fresh air to try to get my bearings. It was just a yuck appointment.

I keep thinking about the e-mail T sent me on my birthday. He told me to remember all of the hard work we've put into our relationship, and all of the safety, and trust, and history, and care that there is between us. He said even if I don't "feel" connected, I can know that we ARE connected. And I know he's right and I AM trying to hang on to that, but the anxiety is still there.

I love T, and I am grateful for the healing I've been able to do in therapy AND I just freaking HATE therapy sometimes. Blah.