this is it. honestly, i have no idea what im feeling or why im feeling it. my ups, my downs, my depression, my anxiety...all of this is so overwhelming and i dont know how to do deal with it. i could see a t, but id never tell, just because i can't find the words and i know id mess it up. i hate this so much. i dont know why i thought i could go more than 6 months. i dont know why i thought i could stop at all. i really, really, really hate this. can someone tell me why i cant just be normal? be happy? hell, id even go for being depressed if it meant feeling one steady way for more than a day.

im sorry to complain, i just don't know what else to say.