I would describe myself as manic or depressed right now.
But i'm not in a good place.
My best friend in the world, we're practically brother and sister, we lived and worked together for 2 and half years and even now we dont we see each other more than most married couples. Has just begun kinda seeing this guy and i am PETRIFIED of losing him.
Not losing him in a way of never seeing him again.
But even if he is with this 'Adam,' for a few hours while i am lonely and could be at his house, it will tear me apart.
I've felt like this before, and i tried to pretend i didnt to the point where i could explode, but i'm going to be honest now.
SO MANY things are going through my head, scary things, every option that i cant think of to make sure he doesnt start a relationship with Adam. I've tried persuading him that Adam is a **** but he disagrees, which is fair enough, Adam is actually quite a nice bloke, and Robert goes on about how important it is that his friends like Adam especially me and that if we didnt get on he couldnt see him, but i dont want robert to resent me, so i need to do something so they split up without robert thinking it was down to me.
BUT NO what i actually need to do is get over it, i love robert to bits and here i am trying to do everything i can to make sure he ISNT HAPPY, that not right, i am being so horrible and can only think of myself.
I dont think this is anything to do with Bipolar, i think this is just the fact i am an insecure ***** who is so scared of being alone that i'll go to any lengths, thus hurting my best friends. I've always been like this, which is why i cling on to the friends i do have for dear life cause no one else likes me and vice versa, I hate people until they make a specific effort for me not to hate them!! Not many people do that cause they realise i'm not worth knowing!