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Old Dec 06, 2005, 02:03 AM
Anonymous29319
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I don't know what order they showed up in as in revieled themselves.

I know they were created chronologicallly because a person cannot be abused at age 16 first and then go back in time so that the second abuse situation happens at age 5. (As far as I know no one created time travel. yet. Sorry being sarcastic, tired.)

This means The younger the memory piece the closer the person is to the first (core memory) eppisode of abuse.

That is what I was trying to explain. I was not saying my memory pieces were created in reverse order. people were asking me about "core memories" so that concept was what I was trying to explain.

At one point I thought that my core memory was mary at 16 but from drawings I know a 16 year old doesnt scribble and when in the mary memory piece I draw fantastically.

now I know I was probably 5. but that doesnt account for people saying I was crying and sucking my thumb, my mom says I was done sucking my thumb before kindergarten.

So that makes my first (core memory) abuse situation may have happened younger. This is what I was trying to get across.

I also know the more painful and deeper (longer amount of time burried) memories are found only after the easier abuse situations are found. This has been told to me by every therapist I have seen every time I go through a set of flashbacks and I ask why this one is worse than the ones I used to have.

Im told the brain only releases what the person is ready to handle and like with everything else in life it goes easiest to hardest.

The things a person learns may seem hard at the moment but it isn't as hard as the next level be it games, classes in school, the job market and learning the ropes of that job everything in life works that way and my memories are no different. That was the concept I was explaining.

Lately I have been asked alot of questions about what a core memory is and what a core person was. so I have been trying to answer everyones questions. I can't remember (kind of out of it right now from lack of sllep) if you were one that asked so what I can figure out is that

the "core memory" is the first abuse situation. Everything I find says this is because a person cant be abused first at an older age and then a second time at the younger age the youngest remembered age is considered the core memory until another memory is discovered if there is one.

The "core person" is the biological born person because a memory isnt a person.

So to put that in the frame of me - I am the core person and my youngest piece of memory is te core memory.

Now as to when my memory pieces started rerunning and revieled themselves. That I don't know. I didn't start paying attention to the static, voices, drawings and writings until I was 37-38. by then drawings and so on were just a part an annoyance that I threw away daily. I have always lost time so I can assume they have always been rerunning..

Now there are some I can put on a time line because I know their agesmary is 16 so that memory ahs been rerunning suince I was 16. I have "me" , "Myself" and "I" which at times reruns not using a specific age. Any drawings done while in those memory pieces have placed them together so I can make an educated guess that they were created at around the same time.

What I do know is that the drawings and so on are becoming more graphic and so on than the ones I have already seen, and since things go easiest to hardest and longer burried most likely younger I know that these come from memories younger than 16 (mary)

I also know from researching that memory recall of the unconscious happens with triggers so that means my memries have been rerunning as they get activated when I experience a trigger. this happens by the brain automatically matching the trigger to the memories stored in my brain

so for example if I get triggered by someone making me feel angry about something the margo memory reruns,

If I get triggered by feeling like I cant draw or do houework right or Im going to screw up a meeting the Mary memories rerun

so running with this concept that means theres no time continuum it just when I get triggered. So finding the memory finds the trigger which leads me to what I need to do so that I don't get triggered and react by rerunning the memory.