I have been struggling sooo much lately. Depression, family violence etc........ Big break from t. I feel like I have been just barely limping along. I had the day off from work and I didn't leave my house except for therapy at noon and then to an eye doctor appointment at 5.

As I was waiting in the Drs. office I was reading the paper and saw that a mother of two of my friends (actually 3 good friends brother/sister and wife) from high school unexpectantly passed away last Friday. She was only 61 and it was terribly unexpected. I feel sooo sad for them. It was a shock. I have been out of town for the last 3 days and had not heard anything.

It also strikes fear deep within my heart. Something that I can not describe; the terror that I feel about who I may lose next in my life. The abandonment and death issues are so scary I can not even bring them up to my t. I try to not ever think about it and when I do I bury it so deep because it takes my breath away.

This just triggered me so much. It unleashed the borderline beast inside of me. I feel terrible for my friends and on top of it all it just makes me all tore up inside. I can not explain nor can I live with it.