((((((((((((((Squiggle))))))))))))))))

I know it doesn't feel like talking about the past will help, but somehow, it does. There is something powerful about giving ourselves a voice, about unburying the crap in our heads and setting ourselves FREE. Things get smaller once they're out of my head. I can manage them, instead of having them swirl around forever and ever. I never thought that talking about the past, and feeling the feelings that go with it would help, but it does, and it has.

But. I am afraid to talk about my mom in therapy, and it's a real sticking point right now. I feel very much like "what's the POINT?" but I know what the point is (see above! lol). I'm just scared to have to face all of it.

Remember that it's okay to take baby steps. You don't have to talk about all of it at once. I swear to you, I spent ENTIRE SESSIONS getting myself to say things like "the door opened and I saw his hand" or "he was wearing a red shirt". Literally. ENTIRE. SESSIONS. But once I talked a little, I could do it a little more the next time, and a little more the time after that.

I'm really really glad you called T. That is really good self-care.