((((((((((((((zoo))))))))))))))))

You are not going to fail. You are going to try, and make mistakes, and forgive yourself for making mistakes, and learn, and try again, and slowly, slowly find the balance that works for ALL of you. Not just for your kids, but ALL of you.

It takes time. It takes patience. I know it feels so completely overwhelming. When I started therapy, my oldest was 10, my middle kid was 7, and my youngest was 5. My 7 year old has autism, and was THE MOST DIFFICULT CHILD. I mean, so so so so so hard, always in danger, requiring the most ridiculous amount of supervision. And all of this stuff was coming up from my past and it was just monumentally hard.

You know what I did? I cut myself some slack. The house didn't have to be perfect. Frozen pizza could be a meal. We all played (A TON OF) guitar hero, or I sat with them and colored mandalas....I kind of just brought them into the place I was at (a guitar hero, mandala coloring place). Slowly, slowly, we've found our footing, and things are better right now then they have ever been, by far. Still hard, but SOOOOO much better. It will be that way for you too.

Be gentle with you. Don't expect perfection from you or from them. Let yourself make mistakes and keep moving forward. You are a good person, and a strong person, and a person who knows how to ask for help, and you can do this.