I have been living this for the past three years there are only two reasons that I am still here on this earth and that is to be able to see my son before I die and promises I made to a couple HOPE survivor friends of mine, one of which lost her daughter and a friend of mine to suicide and to two very special friends here in this town. All of the above people accept me both in public as well as in private which my abusers did not and do not depending on which because some are alive and some are dead. I refuse(d) and continue to refuse to let my abusers take me over the edge. I have fought long and hard to stay alive. I may have suicidal thoughts but there is no way in heaven or hell I am going to act on them before I see my son again. And I care too much for my friends to harm them by taking my life.