I had many abusers who wouldnt leave me alone. One in particular just keeps coming to mind these days he was the main one who kept coming after me. He would eventually corner me I don't remember much of the actual attacks but I do remember his voice, and how over and over he would threaten to kill me if I got brave enough to tell. for I was his and he could do what he wanted to me when he wanted to me. All I was to him was a toy, punching bag someone he could intimidate during his drunken parties for I was nothing in public. just his wifes daughter, someone who came with the marriage package that he would never accept. for I didn't deserve to be called his relative in public. But yet over and over in private I was his. for then I was good enough for him to hold, talk to, and f**** to his heart content but in public I had to stay away from him preferably in another room except at mealtimes. if I was playing in the same room as the others and even if I was the quietest I was the one that got yelled at for being too noisy and sent to my room because he was sick of looking at me. I finally broke free of him. I figured as an adult that if I was going to die at least the people in my area were going to know the who and wht and so I went public with the abuse, after threats and attempts on my life he finally left me alone for he finally saw I finnally believed I was worth more than the abuse and keep quiet in public routine he had wrapped around me. He finally knew he may have been hundreds of pounds and feet around and above but I was wiiling to die for my freedom and he WOULD pay the price. as a woman in my 30's I had finally gained my freedom from his " acceptable in private if only for his sick kind of love" love routine. IA big part of my break for freedom I owe to my HOPE friends. Who were there for me and showed me I was a person who should have all along been accepted in private and in public, abuse free from him and any other abusers I encountered. Over the years I wouldn't see this acceptable behavior only in private. but each time it happens to me I recognize it sooner and sooner. Because I still know what I learned from my friends. I am a human being woth being known in public and in private, not one or the other. I will never forget this for the abuse side was pounded into me daily by not just one abuser in childhood and adult hood but many.