I don't know if I can. It took a lot of time to find this one, but they seemed to have ignored all my depression symptoms, diagnosed with it but not paid any attention to it. They pay more attention to a social anxiety which I do believe is there, but just not as important. They pay attention to it more because of my school, which they believe social anxiety is the underlying cause of my poor attendance.. I don't agree as strongly but I find it impossible to speak up for myself. There was only one time I did, and that was to say no to medication. They pushed it being psychiatrists, spent a lot of time trying to convince me that it was a good choice, as if being 15 and in therapy made me incompetent to make my own informed, rational decision.

No blood tests, I haven't even been to the doctor in three years for a normal check up, and that was before I had any emotional problems. I nearly faint when, and after, taking shots (only saved by a run to the bathroom for water).. I cannot imagine what drawing blood is gonna do..

I've had many of those days, they went away for a while, but came back just recently. I know why they have, tried to get rid of the cause, but the impact is gonna leave a scar. It was an old friend come back, someone who I share amazing chemistry with, the only person who I can come out of my shell completely with and laugh about anything and everything till 5 in the morning.. But also someone who expects me to care about them when they don't give a damn about me. I know it's best to get rid of that person for the last reason, and I have, but the fun times will be missed, and with this friend you just can't have one with out the other.. I tried.

I still feel very weak today, very easily irritated. Got the regular aches and pains, loss of faith in humanity. Still waiting to die.. I would rather do that than continue living in a world with no originality or intelligence, where everyone just marches along like sheep or robots, doing everything and anything the mass media tells them to. There was only one bright side, last night, at an unreasonable time (12am) I went had a shower, did my hair, made myself look nice and for a few hours, felt amazing, confident, beautiful. I don't know why I did it, no one is going to see me at 12am and I went to bed soon after, but it was nice.