BPD2 I think really are me.LOL. although I had know idea that I had issues. I knew I anger issues but I figured it was just from the Divorce of my parnents. And while that is a factor it is just a small piece of a larger puzzle. Sometimes I wonder if this is learned or if I just learned my behavior from my mom. My p doc says both. My wife has been the one responsible for the kids since I am gone a lot and I have other issues and I don't always handle the kids the right way. Yelling and screaming doesn't always help so like you I Have not been the greatest dad. We have a 11 and 16 year old boys and they are both doing very well in school no thanks to me. My stays on them to do well And always do there best. She even fusses at me when I take classes at college. She has been my strength. If it would be up to me I'm not sure they would be as successful as they are. Im glad you have been successful at becoming a better mom. My mom never got any help and did not believe there was any thing wrong with her. When my dad tried to get her help my grandparents intervened and would not allow it. They were very old fashioned and did not believe in such things which compounded the problem. It was my wife that noticed my behaviors and pointed them out. I may have resisted at first but through therapy I have learned to be honest with my self and have accepted that I have issues. Now I just have to be honest and forth coming with my doctor. So even though I was not the best dad but I am making progress. I still have my days when I loose it.
You know you mentioned the stigma with bpd but there is a stigma with BP too. I hear people talk about a friend who is a text book BP. I can just image what they say about me when I am not there. I know I'm not the greatest dad but it doesn't help when I feel like everyone is judging me. I find it hard to trust anyone. The problem is these folks are supposed to be our (me and wife's)support structure. So this has been a challenge for me to over come. I have a better relationship with in-laws now but still a lot of mistrust of not just in-laws but everyone.