Sq, a lot of what you wrote in this thread sounds like me. (except the marriage). I am in the process of going through REALLY uncomfortable stuff in my past...this is work that I am initiating, my therapist isn't someone who is "tough" or gives out homework. I just feel it's time, I've been holding back for almost a decade with her, and even longer before that because I've never dealt with it at all period. I don't have any history of abuse (I totally feel for all of you who were), but there are some traumatic events that happened that I feel contribute to 1) my paralyzing social anxiety and 2) inability to be in an intimate relationship. I feel like I need T more than ever before...more than when I've had personal losses (father, grandfather, etc.). I never used to leave her voicemails AT ALL except for business stuff (asking her when our next appt. was, etc.) and now I have left about 3 of them in the past few months. I would never call her cell because it's only for clinical emergencies, of which I consider to be self-injury or suicidal thoughts.... As you said, "I don't want to look weak". Ugh! It's so frustrating, isn't it? Take care.