Slept badly last night. Feeling I can't do this, he won't get any better, medication is the only answer.

Get up and go to the kitchen and find my son seemly completely retreated back into psychois. He's writing notes to his "gf" - the one who instructed her family to call the police should my son show up at her house again - asking her advice on what he should do with his life.

I'm ready to throw in the towel and have him moved out of here. Utter despair.

Go back into the kitchen later and have this conversation:

Me: What are your plans for the day?
Him: I'm going into town and ... [long pause]
Me: Have you noticed that going into town leads to ...
Him [interrupting irritably]: Yes, I know.
Me: What was I going to say?
Him: I lose my cool. It really seems to throw me.

I had noticed this same thing. There's a clear pattern. He's had three meltdowns in the last 9 days, all following trips into town. When he remains home he's okay.

And here he's noticed it to. He's seen the pattern. My hope is back. He isn't irretrievably lost in psychosis after all!

So I tried to get more insights. What about the trips to town does he think is causing him to lose his cool? All he can say is he becomes irritable.

I talked to him about the Windhorse model - where he could have people visit him at the house and just be present with him, hopefully hook him back into reality and pull him out of his dream world a bit.

He didn't say much, but I'm beginning to realize that even when he's standing there staring at you blankly he may be turning it over in his mind.