Chaotic, maybe you could talk about the sex issues with your own therapist first, with whom you have a bond and are used to talking to. That might be easier than starting in on this area with a new clinician--a sex therapist you have never even met before. I would be scared too. Would you want to talk about this with your therapist? When you were thinking about a sex therapist, did you think of going to one together with your H, or alone?

This is a book my T likes: Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Marriages by David Schnarch. My T recommended this early on in my therapy as a helpful book on marriage (I initially went to him for marriage problems). There is a lot on sex in the book, and I had never mentioned sex to my T. Skimming through that book was triggering for me, as it made me realize how far gone my marriage was and how little my T understood if he thought this book was at all relevant to me. As I recall, what was triggering for me was that the couples in this book were committed to their marriages, wanted to improve them, and wanted their partner to be happy--they cared about their partner's feelings and well-being. If these things weren't true, there was no way they could do the "homework", which was often physically intimate exercises (with feeling attached). It was an impossibility. I think it might be a good book for committed couples who both want their marriages to deepen, evolve, etc. I think it would be really helpful to have a therapist help if one is going to use this book. Don't know if that is at all of interest to you....