Geez I feel like I am asking so much, too much from you all. I just need to let it out. Today was much better... until about an hour ago. Then the bleaks came rushing back. The house is heated to 75 and I am cold to the bone. No I don't have a fever. I am supposed to go out later to eat drink and be merry. I am really going to make an effort to follow through and do this. Fake it til you make it, my sister used to say. I just feel crushed out. Like a old smoked butt. Smelly and rotten. Ok. I know this is bs depression thinking. I am just venting. OK? One of the folks I am supposed to meet is a long time friend who is a therapist. I have already told her what has been going on. Every little detail, more than I have revealed here. I am going to do whatever she thinks I should do. If she says go to the hospital, I am going. If that happens, I may be incommunicado for the duration. Why is no one on chat? I have to go now. I am going to write to my cousin who understands this [censored] all too well.

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>