I rarely have suicidal thoughts but in my weakest moments
I have dreams I want to fullfill.
I still believe that for all the bad years in my life I will be granted as many good years and I'm stubborn and I refuse to miss out on them.
I have my dogs who need me. If something were to happen to me, I know they'd end up in the dog pound and probably end up getting put to sleep since the dog pounds are so overcrowded. I can't bare the thought of that.

I love my life even though it's crappy in a lot of ways but life gives me those little perks that seem to make it all worth while. They're really stupid but they make me happy.
Things like seeing a house with a lot of x-mas lights, getting an unexpected raise from a client, locking myself out of my car with the keys in the ignition with the engine on then finding I had left one of the back doors unlocked,
finding an old favorite shirt I thought I lost, seeing a bunch birds fly out to greet me every morning in my back yard because they know I'll feed them and little stuff like that.