That would be interesting. I'll see if I can bring it up. I don't think I was supposed to see the note.

Sure. He had his first psychotic episode 5 years ago after losing his job. He was 20. The job was working for his uncle, my sister's husband.

He resisted medications, which was the only treatment offered. He was given a dx of bp II. He managed to find a job during this episode. The episode lasted maybe 3 months.

He continued in that job, attended classes, had an apartment and car, etc. for about 2 to 2.5 years. He wasn't doing great, but he was functioning. He pretty much avoided contact with family.

Eventually he became psychotic again. He quit his job and started making odd phone calls to family members. Eventually when he would no longer take my calls, I stopped by his apartment and found him paranoid, delusional, and suicidal. He was involuntarily committed for a week and released with a prescription for Zyprexa.

He bounced around living with family, suffering side effects of the medication, finding and losing several jobs, applied for disability.

Eventually he ended up in transitional housing for the mentally ill. He was taking his medication (Geodon) regularly, working, and taking classes. He seemed happy, but he was suffering terrible side effects to the medication.

He was approved for disability and moved out of the supported housing to his own apartment and immediately nosedived. I suspect he quit his meds within days of moving to his own apartment. I also suspect he began abusing alcohol and street drugs. (Yes, there is a history experimenting with drugs, particularly marijuana and alcohol. He was using both up until the time he moved into my house in early November.)

I think it was in this apartment that the voices really took hold. I didn't visit that apartment until he'd left it, and I can see why a susceptible person might begin hearing voices there. The buildings were very poorly constructed with paper thin walls and weird accoustics which carried random noises and voices to odd places.

Within two months he was so thoroughly psychotic (and pretty drunk as well), he got in his car and headed for California to start a new life. He stopped in New Mexico and attempted suicide. He was hospitalized for a month there while they tried to stabilize him on Resperdal. They raised the dosage until he was practically catatonic and he was still suffering symptoms - specifically paranoia. They thought he was hearing voices too, although he denied it.

The hospital released him to me only because I showed up and said I wasn't leaving Albuquerque without him. He wasn't doing well at all. Back home he set up an apartment in a neighboring state with a woman he'd met in NM - who I suspect was after his income. That lasted a couple of months and ended in a physical fight. That left him in an apartment alone, psychotic and being preyed on by a neighbor. He was taking Invega, hit and miss, for about six months. Then he quit it and descended into his current state - very psychotic.

As to what he wants for himself: I can't seem to pin him down. His delusions lead me to believe his top goal is a relationship with a woman, perhaps marriage and a child. He'd also like a job and to finish his education.

He enjoys music, making raps and beats, although he hasn't done that for a long time.

I'm not sure what he thinks of his experience. He doesn't believe he's ill, and he hates the word schizophrenia. Much of the time he denies there's a problem at all, although he admits that other people perceive him as being mentally ill and that his current life isn't in a very good condition. He also admits he wouldn't be able to live alone right now.

He's aware that he hallucinates. Sometimes he understands that his delusions are his imagination. Other times he's fully engaged with them and believing they're completely true.

Wow! That covers a lot of ground. Basically he goes back and forth between believing people are trying to kill him and thinking he's incredibly important - friends with rap and hip-hop artists. He says everyone wants to be his friend and to imitate him because he's so wonderful and perfect. People are watching him all the time and videotaping him.

The worst voices seem to be identifiable as family members. Currently my sister and her ex-husband are on his ***** list, but that changes. Nothing they say or do as voices is anything like what they might say or do as real people. The delusions seem to reflect my son's fears in somewhat symbolic form.

I can't decide if he's humoring me or really putting some effort into it. I tend to think the latter, because I've caught him trying some of the techniques I've mentioned to him.

He also believes I'm pretty naive and deluded myself. He believes my sister has blinded me to the truth some how.

He knows I've been on forums on the Internet, but I can't seem to get him interested in participating himself. I think he would be willing to talk with others who have the same experiences in person, especially if they were managing without meds.