i don't know what to think about this. i can't imagine life without my three boys (ages 9, 10 and just turned 13). although, there are definitely some days i wish they would disappear. i know i'm not the best parent, but i also know i'm not doing any worse than a whole lot of people that don't have bpd. there are no perfect parents, or perfect kids for that matter. after being in therapy for a few years, i can see areas that i'm really influencing my boys in negative ways. now that i'm aware, i'm trying to correct that. i also don't have major outbursts of anger which helps (i turn it all inward). i know i'm rambling, but i love being a mom and i love my kids. sometimes i'm not so sure i really love them, but then i think about how if something were to happen, i would do anything to protect them.