Thank you for sharing all that costello. There is a lot of common ground in terms of my own child's experience. In their case, I could identify several factors that seemed to have contributed to their experiences:

- A natural life transition from late adolescence to independent adulthood. I've observed that people seem to be more prone to psychosis during these transitional points. I've further speculated it's because the egoic barriers are naturally thinned and more open to new experience as a direct result of the life transition.

- Various stressors associated with this life transition: becoming financially independent, having to secure good grades in college/university.

- Experimentation with recreational forms of drugs. In their case, primarily cannabis.

- A series of more significant life stressors, one of which was especially traumatic to them.

- Lack of sleep.

- It's possible the mania they later experienced was also fueled by treatment with an anti-depressant. These are known to induce manic episodes in some people who seek treatment for depression.

They were initially brought to the hospital by roommates who had grown concerned about their behavior following an emotionally traumatic event. They were promptly medicated with anti-psychotic medication although I wasn't certain there was evidence of any psychosis at all. The situation quickly deteriorated from there.

One factor I found especially frustrating was, once they had been medicated, there was no longer any way to determine if what we were seeing was a response to the medications or a response that would have occurred independent of any medication. I felt that the period of drug-free observation should have been longer and was deeply concerned about the staff's lack of disclosure regarding the risks of medication. At no point was my child ever offered information on the medications, rather, they were told, "This will make you feel better," or, "The doctor says you have to take this."

As it was, the medication seemed to produce a very rapid and debilitating response. Within hours, they could not walk, talk, feed themselves or take their own shower. They also developed incontinence, a high fever and began to display mannerisms consistent with severe forms of side-effects. In spite of our protests, their doctors continued to medicate them against their and our wishes. It was very distressing.

A number of the staff also possessed a punitive, domineering and controlling attitude. Although my child had been told they could refuse medications, if they did, they were often punished in subtle and not-so-subtle ways -- being denied the opportunity to attend art therapy for instance, or secure the much longed-for passes out of the hospital to visit with friends and family.

Just as disturbing was the alarming frequency with which patients were routinely held down by burly security guards and forcibly injected with anti-psychotic medication for, what struck me as often quite reasonable behavior under the circumstances. Quieter forms of distress were typically met with an offer for more medication. Some of the staff did attempt to comfort and encourage with words and we were fortunate to meet a few of them, but in the end, it was the cruel ones who left their mark.

Our own concerns and objections were met with increasing suspicion and hostility. At one point, a staff member told me I was not permitted to be on the hospital grounds outside of strict visiting hours and could be forcibly removed. These same hours had been set up to guarantee that a psychiatrist or social worker would never be available in the evening hours, the only time family members were permitted to visit.

There was much that was much worse than that but I could certainly understand people's desire to never want to willingly enter such a place again. Unfortunately, it wasn't our child's last hospitalization but no place was as traumatic and damaging as that first place.

I am going to reflect on what you've said about your son's experience and return after my next work shift to offer some comment.

I hope you sleep well tonight.

~ Namaste