Ok, so I haven't cut for like 2 days. Well, first of all, my parents found out so they are now checking to make sure I don't cut, I really can't, at least not without a huge speech. GRRRRR>>> i'm so sick of this. I want to cut so bad, but I can't I don't want to add another one, cause then my mom will get all upset and stuff. she told me to go talk to her whenever i feel like cutting. year right, what i feel when i want to cut isn't something that i can or want to share with my mother. I want to cut because I'm so damn fat, and ugly, cut away all the fat the stupidness. I hate this. I hate this body, this life, this hand i've been dealt. why the hell am i like this??? why did i have to be like this?? doesn't anyone realize my pain. my parents want and try to understand, but they don't they can't. they're not me. i want to cut away the pain. all the damn pain from everyone and everything. why do people always screw me over? i'm a damn welcome mat! people just [censored] walk all over me, and they don't care. they don't give a [censored] whether i live or die. if i died today they would probably have a [censored] party. "YEAH!! she's gone, that ***** is gone, finally, she should have offed herself years ago.." I'm am just a loser and a freak and so damn stupid and fat and ugly. I can't take it, i need to [censored] cut, but i can't cause i know my mom will see, then there will be the damn questions. the questions that i don't have answers to. no answers, not for me, not for her, not for anyone,because i don't [censored] know anymore. why am i like this? why can't i just get over it. i want to cut, i need to cut. i hate life.

<font color=green>I smile because I have no idea what's going on.</font color=green>