I think as with any fear, if avoiding it works and doesn't cause problems, that's one solution. If the trigger can't be avoided, or if avoidance causes problems, then another solution is indicated.

It sounds to me chaotic like you are in a cautious place right now. Things are okay-ish, but you are sort of watching and listening to see what husband's position is, and looking inside yourself to decide if you want to try to change things. Sometimes where we are is considering change, evaluating whether it's necessary or if we want it. That's an okay place to be.