I am sorry to be back again.I. feel so helpless i didn't know who to turn to I can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. Christmas and the new year were ok, I didn't get to visit my family as my husband told his family we would be staying over there ,and after the year we have had I honestly didn't have the energy to argue over it. I know i have been depressed on and off a good bit the last year. I'm not on medication for depression as i felt they were no good. I taught i could fight this on my own. It has been bad on and off the last few years. Doctor just prescribe more pills and never try to offer any other advise. I have found the year or so that when i feel sad or anxious i get this feeling of wanting to jump in the shower and just scrub myself clean . I am ashamed to say i did this already once and my skin was bleeding :-( I cant figure out where this feeling came from. I admit i do blame myself for the problems in my marriage and i feel like I'm not good enough for my husband. I look in the mirror and i feel so sad and I feel like crying . I try to appear happy to everyone on the outside ,but the battle is getting harder and harder Is there any hope?