no you're not stupid, will.  i believe each of us responds to trauma differently. in my case i decided i can't watch the tv shows rerunning the events. it is too upsetting for me. one of my sons lived near the dead zone. i couldn't reach him by phone and like your hubby it was terrifying not knowing if he was ok. today i still have fears-one that it will happen again somewhere in the USA, two-i can't fly and used to do it all the time before 9/11, and three-when i see a plane in the air it makes me scared.
i encourage you to talk with your T so he can help you. it helped me a lot to do this. my T had gone to NY to help others traumatized. so he saw the fallout of ppl who needed help. that even was beneficial in my discussions with him.
as you can see i still have strong reactions about that horrific day.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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