yes its painful, yes at times on the outside I function, yet on the inside I'm falling to bits...but theres something else also..theres having someone who helps me reframe...whose inner strengh I am taking and making mine..theirs the feeling of being "looked after"....theirs the times I finally feel different about things...theres the real inner change I expereince...but yes its har too...imagine it being a walk in the park, I mean that would feel insulting to what we've survived....its common to want to become a counsellor at first until you begin to see just how tough personal change is, you begin to wonder whether you could ever be of help to someone else...I remember when I first entered treatment and the counsellor there asked us to give a short outline of our problems then asked if we all put our problems on the branches of a tree would we pick someone elses problems or take ours back...recovery is like that,...the struggle and pain is part of the process we really wouldn't want it any other way...