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Hello, pinkestpink. You allowed yourself to feel. Hiding your feelings under a veil of numbness may postpone the work that needs to get done to live a more meaningful life but is at best only a short-term solution.
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I know how much it hurts to cry after being so numb, having been there myself. I don't know much about you - are you going to therapy? What are you doing to feel better? Unfortunately you're probably going to have to face and deal with these negative feelings, to feel better, and it's easier done with help than alone. Take care!