I agree with Oceanwave that this was a VERY clear email!!!

It is so hard going through the trauma healing because no matter WHAT is said in session or how much we are given by our T, it can't remove what was done to us. It can't make the thing go "away"

The anger is REAL and is a part of your needed healing emotions. You need to be angry. And when we can't touch/reach/kick/punch/destroy the abuser - well our mind has to do that to SOMEONE. I wrote my T Sunday a very nasty email about how much I hated him. How much I wasnted him to protect me from others who hurt me like what happened in the store. I was ANGRY with T. But he didn't do anything wrong and so that confused me. After I sent the email, I went back and read it and was shocked to see that the person who popped into my mind while I was reading the email was my father! I know what transference is, but I didn't see how it could be THAT when it was T I was mad at! But then I wrote T back telling him what I figured out and it fit perfectly. I am not safe to tell my father all that stuff that is THERE.
And until I get it out of my system, it just will not heal.

I could be way off, but I sense that maybe you NEED to be angry but there is a block there on being angry with the abuser/s. Conflicting emotions of love/pleasure/guilt/shame can be that block. But your T is there. When you are with your T, your hurt parts are very exposed. Sooo.... it makes TOTAL sense that you would feel the pure RAGE towards T for all of this.

I encourage you to write it out... just go off the reservation on this one. Just write it all out in either an email or journal. You CAN email it to T if you want! Or save it for session.

If you want, start off with: T, I NEED to get this poison out of me. I know it may be transference or may not be. Do NOT reply to this email. In fact, you don't even have to read it now - save it for session if you want. But I need to RAGE right now outload and towards YOU because I have to heal. Thank you very much for being my punching bag in this pain. (That was the start of one of my emails!)

Then just let 'er rip! Like the sound "Shout Shout Let it all Out!"
You deserve to RAGE over the entire situation!!!!! What was done against you was flat out wrong. You have a RIGHT to be very angry.