Yes, PleaseHelp! I work hard at being a good mom, apologize when I do or say hurtful or wrong things--even when I yell at other drivers!--talk to them to help them see when what I say or do is parenting, and when what I say or do is the illness.

My kids are really good kids...I don't know what to chalk that up to. I don't even need curfews with them, I never have to ground them............Maybe they are too good, trying to always keep us all safe. I understand well what you say, PleaseHelp, about children who mother the mother....sometimes that happens. And Clueless, I remember you said one of your sons would tell you to chill sometimes; that has happened a few times for me, too. Like you, I've talked about how that doesn't help--and reminded them that I don't talk that way to them, either.

We've learned a script that works pretty well, no matter how simplistic it may sound. "I can see that you feel really bad /that you're really angry. I"m sorry you feel so bad. Anyone would feel that way if X. What could you do instead, though, to tell me how you feel?" We used it a lot when we first learned it--it's a variation of a DBT thing. My therapist helped us with it. We don't use it so much now...we try to do the other thing, or to say we're sorry we handled that that way, that what we wish we'd said/done is this: X."......It seems that we have to become each other's therapists. I don't know, though...maybe this is just a parenting technique? Sometimes therapy for us is re-parenting...