We are both destructive and self-destructive and it's impossible for me to forget that. I've said and done things that I'm deeply ashamed of, I've destroyed the most important relationships of my life. So others give me a wide berth? I don't blame them. I don't like myself either. I'm a much different person with the right meds and my instincts have changed enormously but the damage is already done.

I don't mention bpd or alcoholism (in recovery 19+ years) ever to people who don't share my disorders. People who are not mentally ill don't want to be around those who are.