I think I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow night, when I go to his house to spend the weekend with him. I saw him last night, and (it must have been a sign, lol) JUST as I was trying to work up the courage to tell him (unsuccessfully, though), he starts to tell me about how he feels like he might need to talk to someone professionally to help figure out what he's doing with his life, as well as other concerns that have been worrying him recently.
I feel torn though. After hearing him share with me first, I feel better about talking to him, like, I feel like I CAN, and I think I'm definitely going to bring it up tomorrow, but I'm still pretty anxious about it. In fact, I feel pretty weak. Why can't I just talk about what's bothering me? It's like talking, sharing with others my feelings is one of the hardest things for me. Why can't I even figure out what's bothering me? Why can't I deal with things in a healthy way, instead of just running from them and mentally distancing myself from life's problems? It's like when I feel, truly FEEL something real, I feel it all at once, otherwise I'm not fully there. I'm ether happy, like legitimately happy and confident in myself and my abilities and I feel like I can deal with ANYTHING that life throws at me, or I'm on the opposite end, which usually includes feeling intense sadness followed by a numbness and just being overwhelmed with every little thing... When I'm not sad, though, I sometimes feel like I'm just acting. Not sad, mind you, just that I'm trying too hard to feel and look happy... I don't think I'm actually saying this right... like, almost numb, but not the kind I feel when I'm sad. It's like I'm just pretending that I'm feeling real...? I guess it's that after feeling intensely happy and intensely sad, life seems almost incredibly dull when I can't identify with either emotion, and I feel almost numb. It's like I almost NEED to feel intensely to feel alive, otherwise, I just feel like I'm coasting. 'Coasting' sounds more right than 'acting', but I'm still not sure if I'm saying what I'm feeling the right way... 'Not fully there' sounds a little better... I don't know. Just rambling.

But wish me luck this weekend. If I don't say anything to him by friday night, then hopefully by the weekend's end.