Toni hope you start feeling better. You got points right on my top ten list: My two current biggest problems are my anxiety about work and how lonely and abandoned I've been feeling lately.

So here's to healing a hurt heart:

I used to have no problem being alone. I had a lot of friends and I enjoyed being with them. I never had someone "significant" in my life but that never bothered me because I always thought the time would come when it was right.

In my growing depression I began to really feel lonely and as if I'll never have someone special in my life. I am getting older with growing medical problems so I don't even feel as if I can enjoy things anymore because of the physical pain.

When I came out of the hospital I felt that lonliness very strongly but at least I made contact with all my friends, who promised to be supportive and help me with both the stress I've been under and with physical things that I need help with. Over the last several months it seems I have "worn out my welcome" or something because no one visits anymore (worse, they make promises to visit on a certain day and then don't show up, no call, no excuse, nothing!) and I couldn't even get someone to shovel my snow last week so I was stuck in the house.

I'm fighting the depression SO HARD and getting through each day is a chore but I still feel angry and sad about not having ANYONE around, no friends, no family, no one to help or just be with me a few hours so that I am not alone all day, every day. I've been out to support groups and that has helped but that doesn't make up for my loss of trust in people. I'm not expecting any visits, calls or gifts for the holidays or my birthday; I didn't get any last year. Everyone keeps saying they are so proud of how strong I've been and that they are thinking of me all the time. It stabs me everytime they say that, "thinking of me" yea, as long as it requires ZERO effort as would calling or visiting.

Now I'm the one who is whining again. Just trying to make it through. My only advice is to keep posting here and hang on to whatever floatation devices you find available.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>