Dear Valis,

You are not "beyond depression". The feeling you described marks deep, deep depression itself. Probably this is the worst level of depresion.

I have been there... on some way I still feel the same, empty space in my mind. And, this absence of any positive feeling (even and sadness can be positive) is terrible cause it makes me feel hopeles.

Being sad or angry, disapointed, frustrated are signs that we still fight for ourselves. Feeling "nothing" means that we put our wepons down.

I am convinced that every person CAN DETECT at least one reason which lead her in such condition. We should know exactly why we gave up and - we usualy do.

But, to release ourselves we need the strenght to accept the existance of certain problem, ability to identify it exactly and readiness to cut it of and throw it away. This is the hard part of story.

I can prove it, very easy...

Look at the postings on this forum...Reading most of them you will hardly can say that those are written by people with some kind of disorder. And we all are.

Look at what you did write - you seem to be very nice person and, yes, in your posting you DO CARE. You care for people here...you want to be nice...you want to be yourself. You are yourself. You care. You are not "beyond" things. You have feelings, even for unknown people.

But isn't this forum the place where we all escaped from our reality, from people who hurt us, from things or orders we can't accept...

May you have a lot of strenght to be yourself again, wherever you are.