Your feelings about this are completely understandable....and I can relate! It does hurt to feel a need, reach out with it, and then be disappointed. No, you're not ridiculous....it's OK to be upset and allow yourself to feel the feelings without judging yourself too harshly for having them. Is there something concrete you can use to center yourself......sometimes I just need to get out of my own mind and not use it (ie, meditative/visualization) to calm myself.....sometimes I just need to go to the gym and use the punching bag!